How+to+deal+with+exclusion

As adults we would all like to be able to say that "what others think does not matter" and "I am secure within myself". Yet these words do not always hold true; especially when faced with exclusion from a group of friends. When making and keeping friends we all want to feel a part of things, to feel as if we matter. Thus if we are excluded, all self-worth flies out the window. To deal with exclusion from any group try these few methods (some may work while others are a pipe dream) and hope that all those feelings from junior high do not rear their ugly heads.

1. Make other friends outside of the group. Plan outings with other people so that if and when you are excluded the betrayal will not hurt as much.

2. Try to believe that all exclusions are not on purpose. At some point we all have "left someone out" accidentally and rushed to include this person so that feelings will not be hurt. Remember that most people are not as considerate as you would like them to be.

3. Make your feelings known. Not in an accusatory way but let someone know that your feelings were hurt and that you would appreciate in the future a phone call. If the exclusions continue to take place it is probably time to find a new group of friends.

4. Don't always wait to be invited. Do some of the inviting yourself. Plan outings or get togethers and show the "group" that you can invite everyone and have a good time.

5. Try (as hard as you can) to realize that your self-worth is not dependent on other peoples approval. Again, I know that this is easier said than done but look at all the other good things in your life and realize that one person (or group of people) is not worth it in the long run.

We always believe that once we become successful in our careers or our personal lives, all the little stuff does not matter as much. The cliques and "mean girls" no longer exist and we can live a drama free existence. Of course this is not always the case because people are people. There is always going to be that person who receives a slight thrill from demeaning others or that group that establishes itself by leaving people out. The idea is that we must rise above this and not allow ourselves to fall into the trap. If you can avoid letting exclusions hurt your feelings then you have "won". No one wants to be left out but at some point we have to accept that it will happen and in essence "make other plans".

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Sinthesize: Sometimes children think it's stupid when adults tell them not to put attention to the bullies, but in some cases it's the best thing you can do. But equally in other cases it is better to tell an adult about the problem or tell it to someone, because feeling protected helps you to feel secure. You can also defend yourself but never agress the other person physically, because that may put YOU in trouble. Always look for help, and try not to be alone. Don't be afraid to talk, because you are not being a frog, you are defending yourself and making the bullies know that you have feelings.

Sofia Rincon